{"id":44187,"date":"2019-05-02T08:50:54","date_gmt":"2019-05-02T12:50:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.umw.edu\/lcpw\/?p=44187"},"modified":"2019-09-30T09:55:08","modified_gmt":"2019-09-30T13:55:08","slug":"too-many-people-overvalue-what-they-are-not-and-undervalue-what-they-are-malcolm-forbes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.umw.edu\/lcpw\/2019\/05\/02\/too-many-people-overvalue-what-they-are-not-and-undervalue-what-they-are-malcolm-forbes\/","title":{"rendered":"\u201cToo many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are.\u201d – Malcolm Forbes"},"content":{"rendered":"

Written by Beth Williams, Executive Director of Human Resources at UMW and Mary Washington alumna, Class of 1994<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cToo many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

– Malcolm Forbes<\/strong><\/p>\n

I grew up a sweet, shy, insecure, freckle-faced redhead who was always looking for validation.\u00a0 I thrived on approval and, for some reason, frequently felt that others\u2019 feelings, wants and opinions were more important than my own.\u00a0 Perhaps this is why the above quote by Malcolm Forbes resonated with me when I first read it. <\/p>\n

I invite you to read the quote again and think about it a little more closely; what does it mean to overvalue what you are not or undervalue what you are?\u00a0 What does it look like in real life and why does it matter?<\/p>\n

\"The<\/a>
Photo credit: Dorothy Joseph (https:\/\/dorothyjoseph.com\/)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Let\u2019s imagine two business colleagues, one looking at the other thinking \u201cI wish I were as great at public speaking as she is.\u00a0 I\u2019m terrible at it, I get so nervous I can barely think\u201d.\u00a0 At the same time, the other woman is thinking \u201cI wish I were as great at project management as she is.\u00a0 I\u2019m so disorganized and am terrible at estimating time, I\u2019m always missing deadlines\u201d. \u00a0\u00a0Both people are hyper-focused on what they are not<\/em> and discounting the importance of what they are<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Why does it matter? \u00a0What\u2019s wrong with wanting to be better at something?\u00a0 Acknowledging our weaknesses and striving to improve in an area that\u2019s important to us is healthy and rewarding. Constantly measuring ourselves by the yardstick of others\u2019 abilities while discounting or even ignoring our own, is unhealthy and damaging to our confidence and sense of self-worth.\u00a0 We end up \u201chustling for our worth\u201d, as Brene Brown puts it, which can look and feel like desperation, and is exhausting.\u00a0 We put more value on who we think we should be rather than who we really are and no matter how much external approval we receive, our internal voice is still the loudest and most influential one we hear.\u00a0 We need to change our self-talk and turn it into an inner coach rather than an inner critic.\u00a0 Let\u2019s look at the example again with a couple of simple changes:<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s imagine two business colleagues, one looking at the other thinking \u201cI wish I were as great at public speaking as she is.\u00a0 I\u2019m terrible at it, I get so nervous I can barely think<\/span> I should ask her to coach me on my project presentation next week \u2013 I\u2019m proud of the results and I want my presentation to reflect that\u201d.\u00a0 At the same time, the other woman is thinking \u201cI wish I were as great at project management as she is.\u00a0 I\u2019m so disorganized and am terrible at estimating time, I\u2019m always missing deadlines<\/span> I wonder if she\u2019d be willing to teach me some of her strategies so I am as confident in my ability to manage my next project as I am about presenting the results.\u201d<\/p>\n

Notice how those simple changes alter the entire tone of each woman\u2019s self-talk; not only is the message different, the feeling<\/em> is different, there is a sense of possibility and potential for growth.\u00a0 Rather than telling herself the same old \u201cI\u2019m not enough\u201d story and getting stuck there, each woman appreciates the other\u2019s ability without undervaluing her own, which allows her to see the potential to move forward and learn from the other.<\/p>\n

I am now a long way from that shy little girl, both in years and in disposition, but even now I still have those moments when I feel like I\u2019m not being or doing enough<\/em>.\u00a0 That not enough<\/em> feeling is my cue to pay close attention to the messages I\u2019m sending myself and invoke my inner coach, who is now able to drown out the inner critic and help me fully value what I am, rather than beat myself up for what I\u2019m not.\u00a0 Everyone has something special to offer this world, let\u2019s support each other as we learn to value our own wonderfully unique talents and skills, we will all be better for it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Written by Beth Williams, Executive Director of Human Resources at UMW and Mary Washington alumna, Class of 1994 \u201cToo many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are.\u201d – Malcolm Forbes I grew up a sweet, shy, insecure, freckle-faced redhead who was always looking for validation.\u00a0 I thrived on approval and, for […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":92,"featured_media":44188,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"umw_cb_additional_links":[[]],"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"sidebar-content","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_advisory_expires_time":"","_advisory_meta_include":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-44187","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-blog","8":"entry"},"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n\u201cToo many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are.\u201d - 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